In an experimental work blending memoir and science fiction, transracial adoptee Shannon Gibney recalls experiences from her childhood, adolescence, and adulthood and imagines what her life might have been like had she not been placed for adoption. Named Erin by her birth mother, Gibney was adopted by a white couple in Ann Arbor, Michigan, who name her Shannon. When she is old enough, Shannon seeks information about her white birth mother, with whom she develops a difficult relationship, and her Black birth father, who died when she was a young girl. As Gibney reveals memories of growing up the only Black child in a financially comfortable white family, a different, parallel timeline imagines Erin living with a casually racist mother who struggles with alcoholism. At times, a wormhole between the two allows Shannon and Erin to catch glimpses of each other. Sometimes, Shannon travels outside of these timelines, to a past where she meets her biological father. The narrative follows Shannon into adulthood and motherhood and through her treatment for breast cancer; her biological mother had warned her of her genetic predisposition. Integrating letters, adoption and medical records, family trees, and other documents, the threads of this work coalesce into a highly original exploration of family and identity. (Age 14 and older)

A remarkable portrait of growing up as a mixed-Black transracial adoptee, from the acclaimed author of Dream Country.

A MICHAEL L. PRINTZ HONOR BOOK AND KIRKUS REVIEWS BEST YOUNG ADULT BOOK OF THE CENTURY

“A fantastical, transcendent memory collage that shirks convention in search of what is real and true about familial bonds.”—Publishers Weekly, starred review

Part memoir, part speculative fiction, The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be tells the true story of author Shannon Gibney’s experience growing up as the adopted Black daughter of white parents in America alongside the fictional story of Erin Powers, the name Shannon was given at birth by the white woman who put her up for adoption.

At its core, the novel is a tale of two girls on two different timelines, occasionally bridged by a mysterious portal and their shared search for a complete picture of their origins. Gibney surrounds her stories with reproductions of her own adoption documents, letters, family photographs, interviews, medical records, and brief essays on the surreal absurdities of the adoptee experience.

Strikingly honest and beautifully written, this speculative memoir explores the rarely depicted experience of transracial adoption first-hand, and offers an insightful look into the discovery of one’s own identity.